18 Feb

I wonder, why friendship can bring so many frustrations? The truth is, friendship doesn’t last for eternity. But then why? It’s not like you’ll be remembering him or her after ten or twenty years, unless you keep in touch with them.

I’m bond to silence. I don’t talk to people at school. Even with my fellow prefects friends. She said it right, “It’s not that I don’t talk to them, it’s that I have nothing to talk to them.” And all they talk were rubbish. The last sentence said it all. They talk nonsense.

People said I’m lonely. F you, I’m not. I don’t want to defense myself. When anyone asks me that, I just look at her, turn away or just smile. That’s the fact.

I’ll choose to talk to adults or teachers more than the fellows that were same age with me. I don’t know why, but that’s what I prefer. It’s the feeling that you get to benefit when you talk to elders, more than fiddling with your fellows all day.

I going to tell you one true story. About friendship. It’s real and if you doubt it then never mind. I do find the whole thing quite hilarious but at the same time it’s not a thing to laugh.

It’s a brand new year and everyone get separated to a new class. And it’s normal to have new friends. A girl who sat beside me, whom I will call her A, get to know with another girl, whom I will call her B. A and B quickly became good friends.

…. (omit more nonsense, getting to the real point now) On our Facebook Class Group, there’s always the abbreviation of the word ‘PSP’, and it seems our classmates always talk about it. And I guess they are referring to someone, that’s it, other than that, I don’t know the true identity of that person.

Then when A comes online, she saw the ‘PSP’ thing so she asked classmates who were online at the group chat. Here’s how it goes:

  • A: Who’s this PSP you guys are talking about?
  • C: You sure you wanna know?
  • D: Oh, it’s B lah. It’s a incident that happened during last year…. (omit more nonsense again) So we call her PSP.
  • C: Why you tell her??!!
  • D: She want to know the truth mah. Then I tell her lor.
  • A: So that’s the reason you guys don’t friend her lah.
  • C: Yes. Even the boys knew this.
  • E: You tau tak (know or not) she is very good friends with PSP leh.
  • D: I know… A, you won’t tell her right?
  • A: I won’t tell her. Promise.

Then A ask me something…

  • A: You know the PSP (B) thing already right?
  • Me: Yes.
  • A: Do you hate PSP?

I froze. True, I do find B quite annoying and she loves to provoke me sometimes. But I never showed my resentful side of her to anyone. I got over with it. And at the same time I don’t wanna hurt A’s feelings.

I just replied…

  • Me: Seriously I don’t hate anyone. I’m neutral.
  • A: =)

TOTAL BIG LIE BUT FINE. #pokerface.jpg

And from that very day, A treats B very cold. She never talks to B. And day after day B finds that it’s very unusual and weird. B evens ask me why. All I told her was  “She got some troublesome things to take care. Better don’t provoke her.”  ANOTHER BIG LIE. But never mind. A said I’m ‘well said’.

One more thing worth mentioning was A kept sending notes to B. Before that (before the whole thing about PSP), B also sent a note to me. The content was mostly about letting her be oral partners with A. But I refuse. Serve her right. She make up something about ‘will be transferring school anytime and want to have good memories with A’. Rubbish. Everyone knows it’s a lie. Wonderful memories can be made by using many ways.

I am quite surprised that she use such ‘traditional’ way. And I also thought this type of childish act only happens in elementary or primary school. B sent A approximately 4 notes already, but B received no response from A.

Most of her notes always have these:

  1. Dear A… – made A wanted to throw up, because it’s too disgusting
  2. Why you ignored me…?
  3. My heart felt pain and am very confused…
  4. Please tell me why…
  5. Why don’t you reply me…?
  6. What have I done?

A let me see those notes and I asked why don’t she tear these notes or throw them away. A said that she let her mother see and her mother said not to throw them away in case something happens.  With all those ‘dear…’ that B address A, A also noted that the notes that B wrote to her is like someone wrote a love letter to her.

And one day, I saw that A felt like crying but she held it. I accompanied her to the toilet, and she kept washing her face. I felt perplexed. I also thought for the reasons she wanted to cry. The first was that A wanted to be friends with B but at the same time she does not feel like doing so. The second reason was she felt guilty/she does not want to hurt B’s feelings but she already hurt her.

The matter of conflict and guilt. As simple as that.

And the event goes on…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: